Letters of Confession
by DharmaMotorPool
Summary: "It had to be done in a manner that wouldn't make him feel awkward, obligated, trapped, or all of the above...It had to be a letter." Yet another take on how Suliet came to be.


**A/N: This fic is dedicated to Audrey, as another small part of her birthday present. Just another little piece about the origin of Suliet. Happy birthday, brain buddy! Enjoy :)**

It had to be done in a manner that wouldn't make him feel awkward, obligated, trapped, or all of the above. It had to leave him an out. It had to keep their friendship intact if he wanted to use that out. It had to be a letter.

She spent days constructing it, planning it all out. She only clued Jin and Amy in on all of it, since they'd been the ones to help her realize her feelings in the first place and urged her to tell James.

Finally, the day arrived. James would be at work until 8 or 9 o'clock, and then he'd find her letter on his nightstand, tucked into the pages of _Carrie_, which she'd finally convinced him to read.

_James,_

_I know this is going to seem unexpected, but there's something I need to tell you – something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now. Honestly, I just wasn't sure if I should, or how to do it without it seeming like I expected something from you. _

_The thing of it is…I love you. I am _in_ love with you. Amy and Jin finally made me admit it to myself, because for a long time, I was in denial, or whatever you'd want to call it. I was afraid. I thought it was just because we were living together, because we were thrown into this situation and it was just a silly crush or something that would pass and fade away. The truth is, though, my feelings for you have only gotten stronger in the six months we've been here. _

_There are a few reasons why I chose to write this letter instead of telling you in person, the first and foremost being that if you don't feel the same way, I don't want you to feel pressured to respond any differently than how you would choose to. If you don't return my feelings, I'll find a way to get past them, but I couldn't live with things being awkward between us. I couldn't be okay if we weren't still friends, because it's cliché, but I would rather have you in my life as just a friend than not have you in my life at all. We've been through too much together to throw that away. Besides, who else is gonna get my back, Miles? _

_I know things haven't been easy for either of us in terms of our love lives, and I know that you and I are probably the last two people any matchmaker would ever pair up, but somehow, I feel like that's what makes us fit. My life was lacking balance until you came along. I had forgotten who I was; I had lost so much of myself that I hardly recognized the woman in the mirror, but when I'm with you, I am the person I want to be. I hope I make you feel the same way._

_I could go on, but I think I'll take a page from your book and cut straight to the chase. I'll be waiting on the dock. If you're not there by midnight, I'll know that you want us only to be friends, and I'll make my peace with that. We can go on just as we always have, and it'll be alright, because we're us. But if you do feel the same way, you know where to find me. _

_No matter what you choose to do, just know that I'll always love you. I'll always have your back. _

_Yours, _

_Juliet  
_

And so she waited.

James arrived home around 9:45 that night. Idiot Phil had sworn he'd seen a Hostile in their territory and they'd been forced to go investigate it. Turned out to be a boar. After reprimanding him accordingly and enduring another of Horace's lectures, James was finally released for the night, completely exhausted.

Juliet wasn't at home when he arrived, but he figured she must have been at Amy's or something, and she'd probably be back soon. He wanted to wish her goodnight, but he was too tired to even reach his bed. Collapsing onto the couch and kicking off his boots, James fell asleep almost immediately.

On the dock, Juliet still waited. Her watch ticked away 9:00, then 10, then 11…by 11:15, she was getting antsy. At 11:30, she began pacing. 11:45 found her chewing on her fingernails, and at exactly midnight, she sat down on the edge of the dock, tears in her eyes. He had really rejected her. She'd known it was a possibility, but she had hoped so hard that it would turn out in some insanely romantic, fairy tale fashion. She wished she'd known better than to hope for such a thing with her history.

At 12:30, Amy and Jin decided to go check on things, only to find a very sad Juliet sitting alone on the dock. They sat down beside her, Amy to her right, Jin to her left. Amy put her arm around her friend, who turned into her sideways embrace and began to cry softly on her shoulder. Jin rubbed her back. The trio stayed silent for a while, until Amy finally spoke up. "This doesn't mean it's over, you know. Feelings can change, or he might just be too scared, or not ready. Men don't like to admit when they're afraid. I'm just saying, you shouldn't give up, not completely."

"Thanks, Amy, but I just…I think I should, at least for now. I can't push anything, you know? I did things this way for this exact reason, I have to give him space," Juliet sighed and wiped her tears, "It'll be okay, I just need a little time."

"Amy's right," Jin said with a soft, comforting smile, "You shouldn't give up." He stood and offered Juliet his hand, pulling her up as well.

"Thanks," Juliet said with a small but appreciative smile.

"You can stay with me tonight," Amy offered, and Juliet gratefully accepted. She knew she'd have to face James later, but for tonight, she needed to avoid the situation, just for a little while.

James woke up on the couch the next morning with a crick in his neck. He groaned and rubbed the back of his neck, sitting up slowly and looking around. No breakfast smells…no shower running…and Juliet always put a blanket over him if he fell asleep on the couch, yet the blanket was still draped over the chair. "Juliet?" he called out, standing up and stretching a little bit before walking down the hallway to her room. He knocked, but there was no answer. When he opened the door, her bed was made. _Hm_, he thought to himself, _well where in the hell is she?_

Figuring she must have just gone early to work, James hopped into the shower. Once he was dried off and dressed, his eyes fell on the book resting on his nightstand. "Son of a bitch," he muttered to himself with a sigh. He'd promised Juliet he'd start reading it the night before. Since he had some time before work, he decided to start on it. Maybe they could discuss it that night. Their playful banters over literature were always enjoyable. Anything involving her was enjoyable, as a matter of fact. She just had a way about her.

When he picked up the book, he noticed a sheet of paper folded between the pages. Brow furrowed in confusion, he pulled it out and opened it. What he read made his jaw drop. "Son of a bitch!" he said again, eyes wide. _So _that's_ why she didn't come home last night_, he thought to himself. She thought he'd rejected her…no, no. He had to make this right, and fast.

He picked up the phone and dialed quickly, "Hey there, H…I'm gonna need the day off."

Juliet could barely focus on her work that day. She was supposed to keep things light with James now, but honestly, she hadn't been prepared for the whole rejection scenario. Avoiding him couldn't be her go-to solution for very long.

The day dragged on, but lunch time finally rolled around. Juliet met Amy at one of the picnic tables. "Hey, there." she greeted her friend with a soft smile.

"Hey," Amy replied, a slightly mischievous grin on her face.

"What are you up to?" Juliet asked, catching the look and arching an eyebrow curiously.

"Nothing, actually. I just came to tell you I can't stay for our lunch date…and to give you this." she replied, handing Juliet a small slip of paper. "See you later, Jules." she said before walking off, still grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

A baffled Juliet watched her go, and then opened the tiny note.

_J – _

_I made lunch. Meet me at home._

_J._

"What?" she said out loud, looking around to see if she was being pranked. Since no one jumped out and yelled "Gotcha!", she decided to suck it up and go face James. It had to happen sooner or later, and she'd rather just get it over with. Maybe this was his attempt at keeping the peace, at maintaining the normalcy of their friendship. Waving the proverbial white flag, as it were. She took the bait.

"James?" she called out as she walked through the front door. She didn't smell or see any food, nor was James anywhere in sight. "James, are you here?" she called again. Only then did she notice the envelope on the floor, her name scrawled on the front in James' messy handwriting.

_J – _

_Sorry is the Kool-Aid of human emotions. It's what you say when you spill a cup of coffee or throw a gutter ball when you're bowling with the girls in the league. True sorrow is as rare as true love._

_Check the dining table._

_J._

Juliet's eyes widened as she read the _Carrie_ quote he'd scrawled onto the page. Her heart started racing. What did this mean? She rushed to the dining table, as instructed, where she found another envelope.

_J – _

_Late at night I keep thinking: if I had only reached to that girl, if only, if only._

_Check your nightstand._

_J._

Another _Carrie_ quote? What was going on, here? She followed his instructions and walked into her room, anxiously opening the envelope on her nightstand.

_J – _

_We all have to meet our match sometime or other._

_Go to the dock._

_J._

_Watership Down_ this time? Her heart was beating faster than a hummingbird's now. It felt that way, at least. It couldn't be…could it? There was only one way to find out. She left the house and headed straight for the dock. There, she found James, standing out and looking at the water, holding onto one last envelope.

She approached him silently. He turned to her with a smile, not saying a word, and handed her the envelope. She opened it with trembling hands, and her vision was blurred by tears at the words she read. One simple sentence that spoke volumes.

_J –_

_I love you, too._

_J._

As soon as he saw her happy tears, he grabbed her by the waist, spun her around, and quieted her laughter with a kiss. He'd find time to explain later, to apologize for making her wait, for making her think her feelings weren't reciprocated. For now, though, he just needed her in his arms, needed to let her know how he felt without any words at all.

**THE END.**


End file.
